Learn like no-one's watching and Ask what's needed

Published: Tue, 09/28/21

Dear ,

Welcome to this helping of "To Be Clear..." - a refreshing draught of regular coaching clarity in your inbox where I share a couple of brief ideas which you can apply in your work life.

Thanks for some lovely responses to the last issue on emotions as information and trying new things professionally. Following on from that, this issue focusses on the messy joy of professional learning and a question which can help unlock complex issues at work.

Learning difficulties

Can you remember the last time you learned to do something new? I was recently looking at a scar on my leg from learning how to ride a bike. Even though I got the injury in childhood, I can remember very precisely the feel of the gravel as I wobbled, fell off and hit the ground yet again. How stupid, inelegant and incompetent I must have looked - I have the scar to prove it...and yet that scar is also a reminder that I got there in the end. The gaps between the tumbles got bigger and eventually disappeared - well at least until I tried to learn a new skill or trick on the bike, at which point the cycle (if you'll excuse the pun) began again.

That experience of falling and learning brings to mind something Julia Cameron writes in "The Artists Way" where she says, "It is impossible to get better and look good at the same time."

Learning, development and improvement require a willingness to tumble, to risk looking foolish to others until the gaps between the tumbles get bigger and disappear altogether. We instinctively know this as children - that's why we learn and develop at such pace in our earlier years - but sometimes we forget it as adults. It's why conscious incompetence is the second (and hardest) phase of the well-known four stages of competence model.

One of the benefits my clients mention from working together is how much they value the safe space our work together provides to test and explore new ways of doing and thinking about things at work. As I've previously mentioned, in the last eighteen months, I've seen clients successfully try out new things at work and, in every case, the first step was a mindset shift from fearing how they'd look to caring about getting better .

Last week, I had a very encouraging follow-up conversation with a client who, as a result of making that mindset shift, has landed his first new client in a pioneering area for his business. Another (organisational) client of mine is currently experimenting with totally new ways of delivering its core service despite the inevitable bumps on the road to progress and the risk of looking less than perfect as it makes this change.

The fear of how we look to others is universal - the Bible calls it "the fear of man" and describes it as a "snare". But, while the fear is real, so too is the fact that there is no progress without that willingness to take a tumble and look less than perfect while we learn. And what we find after we take the tumbles is not only the satisfaction and value of professional progress but the liberating realisation that everyone wasn't looking at us in the first place.

Where could you make that mindset shift at work so that you're happy to look less good now so you can be better in the long term? Who could you encourage in this mindset shift so that they are able to make progress in their work too?

Next, a useful question which can make a big difference as we tackle problems at work.

Needs to know

We are all sometimes confronted at work by the seemingly intractable problems of our colleagues, co-founders, team members, suppliers, service-users, customers or clients. Our first instinct in response is often to foist on them the first solution which comes to mind or to offer them unspecified help which puts the onus on them to clarify and request. Both of these can make their problem worse not better. A recent situation reminded me of another option.

A few months ago, I found myself dealing with a difficult situation, made all the more difficult by various people forcefully suggesting unhelpful solutions. In the midst of it, I explained the situation to someone I hadn't thought to contact, and, instead of proffering a hasty solution or making well-meaning but vague offers of help, he simply asked, "What do you need?" That question was the key to beginning to solve what had looked intractable.

Why was it so helpful? Firstly, he didn't presume he knew the answer straightaway; instead he acknowledged that this was a hard thing that would need resources without assuming that he knew what those resources would be or even that he would be able to provide all of them.

Secondly, when he asked what I needed, he offered me not just help but also an opportunity to regain clarity and agency. Complex situations often leave us feeling confused, stuck and helpless. That question restored some some sense of agency which helped me get clarity on the next step.

A key pillar of my practice is that it is my clients - and not me - who are the experts in their situation and therefore our work together is about drawing their expertise out and building professional clarity and agency as a result. That's why when I ask them "What do you need?" the response is so often, "No-one has asked that!" followed by the beginning of a way forward with their professional challenge.

So when you're faced with issues brought to you by colleagues, co-founders, team members, suppliers, service-users, customers or clients, before you offer a hasty solution or unspecified help, it may help first to listen carefully and patiently as they lay out their problem and then to ask genuinely, "What do you need?" and then to leave space for them to think and answer your question.

"What do you need?" Those four simple words and a question mark can be a professional game changer. Where can you helpfully ask that question at work this week?

As always, feel free to get in touch and let me know how it goes.

Wishing you a clearer week ahead.

As ever,

Ranti

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