Dear , Welcome to this edition of "To Be Clear..." - a refreshing sip of regular coaching clarity in your inbox where I share a couple of brief ideas which I hope that you can apply in your work life. It's been a few weeks since the last edition, because - drum roll please - I have been working on one project in particular - which you can find out more about below. But, as always, I've missed all of you and your messages about what's resonated in "To Be Clear..." and what you're putting into practice in your work and
businesses This issue addresses one key barrier to achieving greater clarity in your work and some ways forward with it as well as sharing some news which I hope you will find exciting...
Converse your way to clarity
Every single coaching conversation I've had over the past ten days - and there have been many across team, organisational and individual clients - has involved issues with people. This is not
unusual in my coaching practice; the bottom line is that, in almost every case, where there is a lack of clarity in your work or business, the root of why you are stuck and cannot move forward is relational. Or to put in another way, as I discovered early in my working life, most business problems are people problems. When it comes to getting unstuck and moving forward in their work or business, the people with whom I work inevitably come to two conclusions about how to move forward. One, that they can reframe how they think about the issue
and, secondly, an uncomfortable but ultimately vital conversation is what is needed to move things forward. Nobody (well almost* nobody) likes uncomfortable or challenging conversations but, to adapt a quote from Tim Ferriss**, "Real progress often lies on the other side of an uncomfortable conversation." If you or your team or a colleague are stuck and
unable to gain clarity and make progress in a complex work situation, one reason may be that you are avoiding a challenging conversation. The uncomfortable truth is that until you have that challenging conversation, no clarity and no real progress can be made. One of the many privileges of my job is the opportunity to create and hold a unique space where my clients can powerfully reimagine their situation and then work out how to achieve that improved situation. Often, this looks like rehearsing those necessary challenging conversations which will enable a way forward where things have been stuck. As a individual or team acknowledges and articulates a complex situation to me, I often ask, "What would stop you saying what you just said to me to the people who need to hear it?" Inevitably, the answer to that question unlocks deeper clarity, measurable progress and a much increased chance of success with their desired Outcome.
So, what do I mean by a challenging conversation? I've run a number of popular workshops on the topic and, every single time, participants have contacted me subsequently to talk about the positive impact of what they have discovered. Sheila Heen, Douglas Stone and Bruce Patton, members of The Harvard Negotiation Project and authors of one of my most frequently recommended books, Difficult Conversations (How to Discuss What Matters Most)***, define a challenging conversation like this: "A challenging conversation is a conversation about a situation which needs to change or improve (e.g. results, performance, conduct or relationship) and where addressing the issue is likely to cause discomfort or upset for one or both participants." In other words, if the topic is uncomfortable or challenging but nothing's at stake if things don't change, then that's not a challenging conversation. Similarly, if a situation is challenging and needs to change but the participants are in full agreement on that, then it's not a challenging conversation. However, if something needs to change in your work or in your business but raising it is likely to ruffle feathers or feelings (yours as well as other people's) then that is a challenging conversation. A good question to ask is, "Is this conversation technically necessary or beneficial and yet
the prospect of having it fills me with dread?" If that rings a bell then that's what we're talking about. And remember, what makes it worthwhile? Real progress often lies on the other side of an uncomfortable conversation. This is
as true for teams as it is for individuals. I can think of one leadership team with whom I worked last year in the midst of a volatile and stressful situation. After various meetings with individual team members, it became clear that some key things needed to be raised if the business was to move forward but, thus far, no-one had felt comfortable raising them. While maintaining confidentiality, I spoke to the CEO who wisely called a meeting which I facilitated and in which some
uncomfortable topics were raised and resolved, much to everyone's relief. During that meeting, the leadership team were also able to articulate and plan some necessary but challenging conversations that needed to happen across the business. After that meeting, things began
to turn a corner for the business and more than one team member contacted me afterwards to say that they had moved from a place of confusion, frustration and hopelessness about the business to clarity, agency and hope as a result of that challenging conversation as a team. So, where you or others are currently experiencing a lack of clarity in your work or business, you might want to consider asking yourself and/ or your team: "What uncomfortable conversation am I/ we avoiding at the
moment?" "How is avoiding this conversation stopping me/ us getting clarity and making progress towards my/ our desired Outcome?" "If I/ we had the challenging conversation and it went well, what would the benefits be...?" (The Outcome layer of ONION can be helpful here) More on challenging conversations (including what makes them so dread-inducing) in future newsletters, but, if you can't wait, here are a couple of tools to help you think about how you could prepare for a challenging
conversation: As you think about the necessary but uncomfortable or challenging conversation that you need to have around your work or business, it's worth remembering that this is not a
license to be obnoxious, obstructive or combative*. Instead it's an invitation to move yourself and others with generosity and grace into a space where real progress can be made from confusion to clarity, from stuck to start. Learning to manoeuvre and
navigate challenging and uncomfortable conversations is a key part of the clarity and progress which I seek to help all my clients achieve and it can be a key part of your success as well. As you seek to build up your skills in this area, do be in touch, with questions and comments. As always, I'd love to hear from
you. Next up, some news and an invitation to collaborate with me on an exciting new project... Hot off the press...an update and a request
You may have wondered - and some of you have asked! - why the hiatus in issues of "To Be Clear..." over the last few
weeks?
To be clear...it wasn't that I needed a break - I love the opportunity and engagement with brilliant readers (ie. you!) which "To Be Clear..." brings - I've missed you guys too! It wasn't injury (Praise God, the crutches are long gone and my physio, who I saw this morning, is excited by my progress). It wasn't laziness - in fact, it was all about increased focus.
Some of you will remember that, in a previous
edition of "To Be Clear...", I enlisted the help of you - the brilliant "To Be
Clear..." readers - on ways to expand the reach and impact of ONION and a number of you answered the call in wonderful ways.
A popular request was to produce a deck of ONION Coaching
Cards and, thanks to your input, a prototype deck was produced last year. Since then, the ONION deck has
been successfully tested and used by a number of teams and individuals to help them to get from stuck to start on new strategy, initiatives and projects. Thanks to these great results, I'm looking to launch the first imprint of the ONION deck for purchase later this year and you guys will be among the first to know!
However, when I asked you and others what you you thought the most effective way to expand ONION's reach and impact would be, by far the the most popular response was an ONION book! Time and time again, people who have
experienced the clarity, action and results that using ONION brings have suggested that I write a book so that others who don't work with me directly can still benefit from my approach.
Well, as of last weekend, I have completed a preliminary draft of the ONION book! It even has a working title which I will reveal and test with you in a future edition of "To Be Clear...". Of course, there's still a journey on which to go - next stop extensive editing - but getting
the initial draft out feels like real progress, as does sharing that news with you. As I've written the book, three things have become clear to me in deeply experiential ways: - Writing a book
is hard, even when you love writing, you know what you want to say and you have been told it will benefit others
- Writing a book as a textbook extrovert requires a different approach from the ones most commonly recommended
- ONION really
works^! At times when I hit a bit of the wall writing, using the ONION deck and framework really helped me to get from stuck to started again.
One cost of getting the preliminary draft done was to put a pause on writing anything else, including "To Be Clear...". But now, that draft is done and, just as a number of you helped me to shape the ONION deck with your feedback and
input, I would really value your help with the ONION book on its journey to publication and beyond.
There's a number of ways in which you can help but, if you are interested, even at this early stage, in being part of my team of advance readers, do get in touch. There's actually one more ONION related product on which I'm working and with which I'd love your input in the fullness of time so
watch this space but that's probably enough for now! Right now, it's all about the ONION book. So, there you have it, a key way of getting to clarity and progress at work and a way in which you can contribute to more clarity at work for a greater number of people. I'll be in touch before long to share more ideas for greater clarity at work. In the meantime, wishing you a very good weekend and a clearer week ahead. As ever, Ranti * - We all know (and some of us work or have worked with) exceptions to this rule - people who relish (and sometimes even court) conflict and drama. ** - I've slightly adapted Tim Ferriss' actual quote “A person's success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable
conversations he or she is willing to have". While I agree with the principle that clarity and progress often lie on the other side of uncomfortable conversations, I'm not entirely convinced that they are quite the metric of success that Tim suggests. *** - My favourite review of Difficult Conversations reads, "The only people who shouldn't read Difficult Conversations are those who will never work with people, anywhere." I wholeheartedly
agree! ^ - Phew...!
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