Many of the most frustrating issues which we encounter in our work and businesses revolve around unclear and mismatched expectations which is why some of the most valued work I do with teams and organisations is helping them to get clarity and alignment on what they are trying to achieve. Once that happens, they make
effective progress towards their goals. Indeed, much of my team coaching skillset and expertise comes from the worlds of mediation, negotiation and facilitation - all of which can be a huge help when working with teams.
One important skill I work on with clients when helping them get clarity and alignment is learning to distinguish their positions from their interests. What do I mean by that?
A position is what you say you want (and what you might genuinely believe you want) and an interest is the resolution or outcome which you actually need - the real underlying benefit you're hoping to gain. Your interest is what sits under your position, it's your purpose or motivation,
what's driving you to ask for whatever you're requesting or demanding.
The classic example of the difference between position and interest (adapted from Roger Fisher and William Ury's negotiation book, Getting to Yes) is to imagine two brothers driving their mother mad by incessantly and loudly arguing over the last remaining orange in the house. Eventually, their irate mother grabs a knife and cuts the orange in two, giving half to each brother. At that point, one brother goes to his room, sucks out the pulp and throws away the peel, while the other brother goes to the kitchen, scoops out and throws away the pulp and uses
the peel to flavour a cake.
I'm sure you can work out the moral! The mother, at the end of her fictional tether, understandably focussed on her sons' stated and conflicted positions ("I want the orange", "No I want the orange!") but everyone would have been better served (and each brother would have had 100% more of what he actually wanted) if she had
focussed on their underlying and aligning interests (the pulp and the peel respectively). She could have done this by asking why each of them wanted the orange rather than taking their positions at face value.
It's like the distinction which ONION makes between Outcomes and solutions. An Outcome (like an interest) is a desired situation which
you would like to reach and which can be reached by a variety of means or routes. A solution (like a position) is a fixed means or method of reaching your Outcome. It may well be a good way forward but it's not the only way and it often causes all sorts of issues and tensions when you or others act as though it is. A helpful rule of thumb is to marry the Outcome and to date the solutions.
Many of my clients come to me stuck because they're fixated on a solution or stated position. Inevitably, progress with their work or business happens once they stand back and focus on the Outcome they want and then explore various possible solutions to get there.
Perhaps you are in a situation at work where you've reached an impasse with a colleague or client or investor or boss or fellow board member or student or mentee or teammate or supplier where you just cannot agree on something which matters and which materially affects your work. Perhaps you find yourself in the middle of a professional conflict
between two parties who can't find a way forward.
Why not try stepping back and asking, "What are their/ our interests as opposed to their/ our positions?" One way of working that out might be to ask, "What actual benefit am I/ are you hoping to gain or keep here?" or "What outcome do I/ you want to see?"
You'd be amazed by how often people can find clear and common ground on their interests despite how far apart their positions initially look. Once that happens, progress, effective ways forward and success tend to result.
If you're interested in reading more about the interplay of positions and interests, this
piece explaining them from a negotiation standpoint might be useful, and if you do get a chance to apply this approach at work (or elsewhere!), as always, do let me know how it goes. It's always great to hear how you're putting these ideas into practice.
Next, a request for your collaboration and input...
